ADHD: The Struggle Pt. 2

Almost 3 years ago, my son was diagnosed with ADHD. As he was going through the process of being diagnosed, we worked with doctors, school counselors and administrators to and answer a series of questions, related to his behaviors. 

As we went through the process, I realized that many of the behaviors he exhibited were my behaviors as well. From this realization, I decided that I, too, needed to be evaluated, and so I also went through the process and discovered that I was also ADHD.

Many people do not believe that ADHD is real, but I am here to tell you that it certainly is. As a young child, I was a "good student" academically, but my citizenship and conduct was never in-line.

I specifically recall wanting to be a safety patrol when I was in the 5th grade. In order to become a patrol, you had to have all A's and at least an "S" (for Satisfactory) in citizenship and conduct. I worked hard, the first grading period, in order to attain all A's, but I got an "N" (Needs Improvement), instead. My heart was broken. I felt discouraged, and gave up. I never again earned all A's and decided that I just couldn't do it.

It's very frustrating because, as an adult, many of the "issues" I had as a child carried on into my adult life. Every job I have had, it seemed as though I had an iconoclastic personality. It wasn't that. I don't have a problem with authority. 

ADHD causes one to question things that seem to not be "right". It's sort of like having OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Any time that I notice a "mistake", it has to be "fixed" or pointed out, and if it isn't, it drives me nuts. I hate feeling like that. I truly wish that I can see or hear things that are not "right" and keep going about my business but I find it difficult to do so. 

Whatever comes up in our minds, it seems that it HAS to come out. This often leads to offending and/or hurting others' feelings. We don't mean to. We just "call it how we see it". Some people love us for it and others despise us because we seems to always be "running our mouths", recklessly.

I was prescribed Adderall almost 3 years ago, and it has helped me immensely, however, there was a lapse in my medical coverage earlier this year, and I have not been taking my meds regularly. I definitely feel a difference. My thoughts are erratic. I'm impulsive with my actions and words and I find it more easy to become depressed. It sucks.

Many do not consider ADHD as a mental disorder, but it is. I hate not being able to focus and when the plights of depression arise, I find it difficult to become and stay motivated. 

I'm sharing all of this information because we often see people with physical disabilities and can sympathize with them, almost instantly, but when a person has a mental disability, it's less apparent.

We're called "crazy", we're not. We need support and encouragement, just like anyone else. I love the positive and productive person that I am when I am taking my medication. I feel "safe" and my thoughts are more clear. I would love to find an alternative treatment, but I haven't yet.

Practicing yoga and meditating have helped, but without my meds, I find it difficult to even do that. I hope and pray that what I need is given to me, so that I can get back on track and be the person that I was becoming. 

I like her. 

The ADHD-er on the plane...

Soooo... I flew to Atlanta this past weekend. I left Friday night and was supposed to come back Monday (last) night, but missed my flight, so I ended up leaving this morning instead.  I don't really feel like going into that right now; I wanted to share the ADHD thoughts that ran rampant in my mind as I flew down south.

First, as the flight attendant gave instructions on how to save ourselves "in the event of an emergency", the microphone she was using was very low and there were people talking as she spoke. I had been fiddling around with the "personal item" that I had placed under the seat in front of me, so, initially, I hadn't noticed she was even talking, but, when I did, I realized that maybe I should pay attention to this announcement. You know; in case there actually IS  an emergency. As I attempted to tune in, I became perturbed with the lady who sat behind me, who was discussing which type of crackers her children wanted to eat. I got mad as hell because if she was willing to sacrifice hers and her children's lives by not listening to the instructions on where to locate and how to properly use the oxygen and flotation devices, that was her decision, but she was distracting my attempt to be attentive so that I could save my own life--- "in the event of an emergency".

When we reached the "it is now safe to remove your safety belt and move around the cabin" elevation, I realized I had to go potty, so I got up and started walking towards the back of the plane, not realizing that I was only five rows away from the front lavatory.  As I reached the rear of the plane, the flight attendant turned around quickly, almost knocking me over with a tray full of watered-down, overly-iced half cups of soda. I moved back, just in time, to avoid her, then I proceeded to the restroom. The first thing I noticed was how narrow the door was. I lost almost 40 pounds this year, and I couldn't even imagine getting in there without incident had it been 7 months ago.  "And how the hell does one join the "Mile High Club" in this little-assed space???" I asked myself. As I grabbed a tissue to secure the door, I thought, "Damn. THAT is a narrow-assed door." As I was "handling my business", I wondered how people in wheelchairs use the bathroom on the plane. Are they given complimentary adult diapers? Are they asked if they have to use the restroom several times before takeoff? Or do they just wizz all over themselves? I assumed the answer was the latter of the three, as I finished up. I was delighted to find both a red and blue button on the sink, indicating that one could actually adjust the temperature of the water to his or her preference. "Fancy," I thought. I was even more impressed with the scent of the Southwest Airlines Antibacterial Soap... It was just delightful.  When I got back to my seat, I sniffed the back of my hand until the scent went away, thinking, "If they sold this in stores, I'd totally buy it... They should have a matching scented lotion."

Just as I sat back down in my seat, the flight attendant came by, taking drink orders. I asked for a ginger ale.  Shortly after she took the drink orders, the other attendant came by, offering pretzels or peanuts... I took both. "Hell, somebody's not gonna want theirs," I thought.  I ate the 12 pretzels and the 16 peanuts that were in the tiny bags and washed them down with the rest of the watered-down ginger ale ice I had in my clear plastic cup. Just as I took the last sip, the first attendant came by with a trash bag. I wondered how they knew when to pull out the trash bag and start collecting... Was it a certain amount of time after the drinks or snacks? Did they watch and wait for the very last person to finish his or her "refreshment"? What was their secret??? I was intrigued.

 It's funny how the smallest things can happen around an ADHD-er and it absolutely amuses them, like a cat that's playing with a toy mouse on a string.  It's annoying sometimes, but it's a hell of a lot more entertaining than being "normal"...