Don't Worry; Be Happy

Many of us, women, especially, sacrifice so much of ourselves, in order to make others happy. Our intentions are good, but the outcomes may not be so good. You see, sometimes, in order to make someone else happy, we sacrifice a part of ourselves. There is nothing wrong with sacrificing, sometimes, but you have to learn when to say "when". You also have to come to the realization that you cannot make another person happy.

There is a difference between sacrifice and compromise. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines sacrifice as "the act of giving up something that you want to keep, especially in order to get or do something else or to help someone". Compromise is defined as "a way of reaching agreement in which each person or group gives up something that was wanted in order to end an argument or dispute".  

According to these definitions,  in order for you to sacrifice, you have to give up something for someone or something else. You should not have to give up anything, if it means that you are less happy, as a result. 

Compromising is different. It means "meeting in the middle", so that there is no need for sacrifice. 

I often hear people say that they just want to be "happy", or that they just want to make so-and-so happy. Here is the issue with that: First, what does it mean for you to be "happy"? Take some time to yourself and figure it out. For me, happiness means to be at peace and free of stress. Once you have defined what happiness means to you, figure out how to attain it. 

In my case, I have to ask myself what would give me peace and make me feel free of stress. A peaceful, stress-free life consists of a mind that is free from worry. I have learned that everything that has happened in the past is just that--- the past, and there is nothing that I or anyone else can do to change it. Knowing this, I have to accept what has been and allow myself to let it go. 

It doesn't matter what it is that you are going through, the same philosophy can apply to you, or anyone else. Once you find your happiness, you will begin to attract others who are also happy. The more people with whom you associate who are at that level, the higher your "happiness quotient" becomes. You will soon find yourself in a more peaceful state and garner strength to press on.

There is nothing in this world that can stop you from attaining your "happy place", except for yourself. You have the power to do anything that you want to do, regardless of yours and others' doubts that you can't, so prove yourself wrong and rise up to where you belong. YOU CAN DO IT!

Forgiveness through Perseverance: Let Go & Live

I've always been a hypersensitive person when it comes to interacting with others. I am able to sense others' emotions, especially when they are hurting. I can also tell when a person is hiding something. or if they are not being truthful. I like having this ability, because it helps to protect me but, at times, I hate it because I can feel things that I would rather not feel. Usually, when I "get a hunch" about something, I'm right. Sometimes the sensitivity is strong, sometimes it's very vague. When it's vague, I ignore it sometimes, only to find myself in situations I'd rather not be in. 

My ability is not magical. It's inherent and it's in all of us. It's called intuition or, more commonly known as, "your gut". I often tell others that they should listen to their guts because it will protect them, and it's true. It will protect you, if you allow it to. The problem is that, most people do not allow themselves to be guided by their intuition. 

It's amazing how total strangers have approached me, expressing their problems, concerns and issues with their lives. I can't tell you how, on many occasions, I have met a person for the first time and we just "clicked" and became a friends for life. Don't get me wrong; there have definitely been times when I have met people who just did NOT like me at all... until they got to know me and realized my genuine concern for others, my sense of humor, my loyalty and my tendency to "tell it like it is". 

I am far from perfect; "nobody walking this earth's surface is", according to Jay-Z, but I am secure with myself. I love myself and the things that I stand for. I appreciate all of the experiences I've gone through-- both good and bad. They have taught me lessons and made me a strong woman. 

We all have made (and continue to make) mistakes in our lives, but what is important is accepting that we are human and that we do make mistakes. As long as we forgive ourselves and learn from our mistakes, we continue to evolve. Sometimes, we make the same mistake(s) more than once. It doesn't make us "bad". It makes us human.

Sankofa: Adinkra symbol: Learn from your past.

Our life experiences shape us and influence our behaviors. Every "bad" thing that has happened in our lives has happened for a reason. These incidents can affect us in different ways. We should not allow these things to affect us adversely, as that would be counterproductive. We should not blame ourselves for the bad things that have happened. We should find and focus on the good things that come forth as a result of these "bad things" that have happened to us. 

Don't beat yourself up. Uplift and encourage yourself and others. When you do good, you look good. When you look good, you feel good. So be good. 

The wrong type...

I saw a post in a group on Facebook earlier today where a young woman said that she is attracting the wrong type of guys, then asked what she needs to do to change it... Well, the whole "type" issue is one thing and self-esteem and other factors affect this too, but let's just talk about this "type thing" for now.

There are many women in their mid 20's and older who feel like "it's time". They have been bridesmaids in a few friends' weddings and watched them have babies, now they are feeling "sappy" and over-cognizant of their biological clocks. As a result, they tend to rush into things with rose-colored glasses... Don't you dare deny it. Most women, including myself, are guilty of having done this.

Some would say that you are being "too picky" and, truth is, you probably are. The first mistake we make is having "a type". WTH? When I hear these words fall off a woman's lips, it's like hearing nails screeching down a chalkboard... people eating with their mouths WIDE open, flip flops popping... It severely irritates me. Why? Because I know that, when asked what a particular woman's type is, she is liable to start rattling off some bull$hi+ about physical characteristics, then status and/or material possessions and, while those things may be important, they don't (or shouldn't) take precedence over other attributes like:


1.) He has a job WITH benefits... If he owns his own company, that's even better. - I know that sometimes, people go through some low points in life but, in the long run, it will cause you more strife than happiness if you decide to "relate" with such a man. Seriously, WTH are you going to do when 6 months go by and his @$$ is still at home unemployed? I mean, you really can't say much of anything without being a hypocrite. After all, his @$$ wasn't working when you met each other. How can you expect more than what he came with by default?

2.) He has his own reliable transportation.  If you meet a man who is driving someone else's car, other than his, just let him drive past you, unless his car is "in the shop", but be careful; when the car is "in the shop" for longer than a week, he's most likely being dishonest. Driving his mama's or his babymama's car won't cut it, either. Gas is not cheap; what are you going to do once his mama or babymama gets mad at him and takes her keys from him? Pick him up yourself? I'LL BE DAMNED! <---Not an option.

3.) He has his own residence. Preferably, without a roommate.  How the hot ham and cheese are you going to spend one-on-one quality time with him if his mama keeps coming up to his room over the garage asking him if he ate  the rest of the meatloaf from last night??? Roommates aren't SO bad, but if he is over 25, he needs his own spot. The reason why is because roommates will blow up your plans. Imagine having plans to spend time with your "boo" on Friday night. He's mentioned a home-cooked dinner with a nice wine, scented candles and some cuddle time on the couch watching Netflix... You've been excited ALL effing week. Then, Friday comes and you get to his house and the damn roommate is perched on the couch, watching old re-runs of Family Matters and doesn't appear to be leaving ANY TIME SOON. There go your plans!

4.) He pays his bills,  child support and has gas in his car. If  you notice that a man does not handle his financial responsibilities, there is a problem. Either he is irresponsible and just wants to use his money to "hang out"; he is forgetful; or he just doesn't have the money because he's NOT WORKING. In any case, he is not "the one", so keep it moving.


If any of the above elements is missing, you are bound to get hurt anyway, so just know that. One of these elements WILL get in the way of a healthy relationship. 

Be weary of character flaws. If he has a habit of being late to meet you, "forgetting" to call you, changes plans often, smokes weed/drinks alcohol excessively, doesn't take care of his children-- if he has any--chooses to spend time with his friends over you, etc... Duh! Cut him off. Women act so oblivious to $#!+ like this. You know good and damn well, he is dissing you, but you want to ask your friends what they think about the situation-- as if they are going to have a varying position. And the effed up part is that you are so stuck on this dude that you "can't see it". Oh; you see it. You might not want to see it, but you definitely do, and when your friend reiterate what you "see", don't go all willy-nilly and get mad at them; they care for you more than he does... You ALREADY know WTH is going on, Girl. You are NOT his priority, so why make him yours? Don't.

The most important thing you should do is remember your values and desires. Why settle when you don't have to? There is no time limit on when to get married/shack up for life. Whatever you do, don't try to fit a guy into your mold (idea) of a perfect man. If a person wants to change, he/she will do it in his or her own time. Besides, it's more genuine and liable to "stick" if he/she changes own his/her own...