Runaway-cation 2012

Soooo... I went on a runaway-cation this past weekend because it was much-needed. I was at my wit's end, dealing with the undulations of life. After talking to a few friends, it was suggested that I just "go away", and I thought, "Go away? I can't just go away." I didn't have much money and I wasn't sure if my car was capable of getting me anywhere outside of a 40-mile radius without blowing a tire or some other unfortunate event that seems to always happen to me.

Anywho... Thursday morning, I decided, "Eff it. I'm going. IDGAD that I only have $28 dollars until I get paid next week. Either I'm "going away" or I'm going to be way gone and I left early Saturday morning, headed to the DMV (DC, Maryland, Virginia) area, not knowing exactly where I'd stay, how I'd eat or even what I'd do for stress relief. After all, that IS the reason I left in the first place.

One friend knew I was coming and had already made plans to hang out Saturday night, but I ended up surprising a friend with a visit. While there, another friend whom I'd known from high school was returning home (to the DMV area) and she contacted me to see if I was still in town. She met me and my friend at a bar and as we were chatting, we realized that she lived in the same exact city as my friend I had surprised... Then, she realized that they lived off the same exact main road, in the same exact neighborhood. What were the chances? I LOVE it when things like that happen. I ended up staying one more night, so I could hang out with my other friend, and we had a blast, reminiscing and catching up. 

I really enjoyed my "runaway-cation" and it definitely relieved my stress. It goes to show that it really is good to know people. If I hadn't, I don't know what I would have done... Maybe aimlessly walk around the nation's capital for 3 days? Naaaah. I'll pass...

The wrong type...

I saw a post in a group on Facebook earlier today where a young woman said that she is attracting the wrong type of guys, then asked what she needs to do to change it... Well, the whole "type" issue is one thing and self-esteem and other factors affect this too, but let's just talk about this "type thing" for now.

There are many women in their mid 20's and older who feel like "it's time". They have been bridesmaids in a few friends' weddings and watched them have babies, now they are feeling "sappy" and over-cognizant of their biological clocks. As a result, they tend to rush into things with rose-colored glasses... Don't you dare deny it. Most women, including myself, are guilty of having done this.

Some would say that you are being "too picky" and, truth is, you probably are. The first mistake we make is having "a type". WTH? When I hear these words fall off a woman's lips, it's like hearing nails screeching down a chalkboard... people eating with their mouths WIDE open, flip flops popping... It severely irritates me. Why? Because I know that, when asked what a particular woman's type is, she is liable to start rattling off some bull$hi+ about physical characteristics, then status and/or material possessions and, while those things may be important, they don't (or shouldn't) take precedence over other attributes like:


1.) He has a job WITH benefits... If he owns his own company, that's even better. - I know that sometimes, people go through some low points in life but, in the long run, it will cause you more strife than happiness if you decide to "relate" with such a man. Seriously, WTH are you going to do when 6 months go by and his @$$ is still at home unemployed? I mean, you really can't say much of anything without being a hypocrite. After all, his @$$ wasn't working when you met each other. How can you expect more than what he came with by default?

2.) He has his own reliable transportation.  If you meet a man who is driving someone else's car, other than his, just let him drive past you, unless his car is "in the shop", but be careful; when the car is "in the shop" for longer than a week, he's most likely being dishonest. Driving his mama's or his babymama's car won't cut it, either. Gas is not cheap; what are you going to do once his mama or babymama gets mad at him and takes her keys from him? Pick him up yourself? I'LL BE DAMNED! <---Not an option.

3.) He has his own residence. Preferably, without a roommate.  How the hot ham and cheese are you going to spend one-on-one quality time with him if his mama keeps coming up to his room over the garage asking him if he ate  the rest of the meatloaf from last night??? Roommates aren't SO bad, but if he is over 25, he needs his own spot. The reason why is because roommates will blow up your plans. Imagine having plans to spend time with your "boo" on Friday night. He's mentioned a home-cooked dinner with a nice wine, scented candles and some cuddle time on the couch watching Netflix... You've been excited ALL effing week. Then, Friday comes and you get to his house and the damn roommate is perched on the couch, watching old re-runs of Family Matters and doesn't appear to be leaving ANY TIME SOON. There go your plans!

4.) He pays his bills,  child support and has gas in his car. If  you notice that a man does not handle his financial responsibilities, there is a problem. Either he is irresponsible and just wants to use his money to "hang out"; he is forgetful; or he just doesn't have the money because he's NOT WORKING. In any case, he is not "the one", so keep it moving.


If any of the above elements is missing, you are bound to get hurt anyway, so just know that. One of these elements WILL get in the way of a healthy relationship. 

Be weary of character flaws. If he has a habit of being late to meet you, "forgetting" to call you, changes plans often, smokes weed/drinks alcohol excessively, doesn't take care of his children-- if he has any--chooses to spend time with his friends over you, etc... Duh! Cut him off. Women act so oblivious to $#!+ like this. You know good and damn well, he is dissing you, but you want to ask your friends what they think about the situation-- as if they are going to have a varying position. And the effed up part is that you are so stuck on this dude that you "can't see it". Oh; you see it. You might not want to see it, but you definitely do, and when your friend reiterate what you "see", don't go all willy-nilly and get mad at them; they care for you more than he does... You ALREADY know WTH is going on, Girl. You are NOT his priority, so why make him yours? Don't.

The most important thing you should do is remember your values and desires. Why settle when you don't have to? There is no time limit on when to get married/shack up for life. Whatever you do, don't try to fit a guy into your mold (idea) of a perfect man. If a person wants to change, he/she will do it in his or her own time. Besides, it's more genuine and liable to "stick" if he/she changes own his/her own... 

Ride or die, Chick!

I get so tired of hearing people say things like, "A real woman will stick by her man, no matter what." "No matter what?" WTH does that mean? When I see it most of the time, it's in reference to a man who doesn't deserve the supportive, strong woman who is in his life. It's an excuse to squeeze the life out of her until she takes her last breath (of tolerance).  Don't get me wrong; there is nothing wrong with being a supportive mate, but there is a time and place for everything, right? 

Women: If you have a boyfriend/man/husband who, at one time was "handling his business"-- i.e. working FULL TIME, has reliable transportation, his own place, pays his bills and takes care of his children (if he has any) financially, physically and emotionally-- and he lost his job due to no fault of his own-- say layoffs or injury-- I can understand you encouraging  (not supporting)  him so that he gets himself back to a better place in life so that he can "handle his business". On the other hand, if you meet a man and he is not "handling his business" in ALL the aforementioned areas, or someone who has a "main chick" (read: NOT you), it's advisable not to even "go there" with him. You will save yourself lots of time, money, depression, stress and, in some cases, collect phone calls from jail. The quote, "I can do bad by myself", is true. Think about it: You are working hard every day, coming home, cooking dinner and taking care of your children's needs, just trying to get some quiet time to yourself, even if it means it's not until 10 or 11 o'clock at night. Okay; I know what some of you are thinking: "My man has dinner ready when I get home and he helps with the kids... blah, blah, blah." Good for you. 

You DEFINITELY shouldn't allow yourself to be "The Side Chick". It's one thing for a man to be dating more than one woman at a time, but if one or more of the women in his life is his wife, girl/girlfriend/woman/fiance/"babymama" or has some sort of title, like "Wifey", "Boo" or "Baby", it's best not to even "go there with him". ESPECIALLY if he lives with her.  

Living life is not easy nowadays, and everyone should pull his or her own weight for the benefit of his or her own emotional health. When a relationship is severely one-sided, the person in the relationship who is contributing the least is made to feel insufficient. You've seen it many times, and may have even been a participant in an argument in reference to such subject: "IDGAF! GTFO of my house! Gimme my damn keys! Get our sh*t and go! I don't need your a$$!", etc... When you pull your own weight, you still have your dignity, should the relationship come to an end. 

Don't allow yourself to get in that situation, because sometimes you fall so hard you can't get back up and who wants to spend the rest of her life, trying to fix something that shouldn't have been broken to begin with? You could be doing so many more positive and progressive things with yourself instead of wasting time with someone who stifles you. 

There is nothing wrong with being a "Ride or Die Chick"... Just don't die, trying to "ride", Chick! You feel me?